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Falling Forward

Carolyn Lebanowski

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Not until we are lost do, we begin to understand ourselves.

~Henry David Thoreau

Do you ever sit with the hard questions?

For most of my adult life, I have lived inside the hard questions to untangle the threads of my journey. There has been a hunger to understand the how, when, and the why of the experiences that seemed to define my outcomes.

There was a haunting sensation that there had to be more than what I was seeing, feeling, and experiencing. The older I got, the deeper the questions became.

The questions led me deeper into spaces that sometimes made me uncomfortable. I could stay and play or abandon the quest. On most days I stayed.

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And the day came where I found my compass:

A soft whisper pushes thru my pillow and tickles my ear… “Look for the truth, not the mystery”. The truth of what I know to be true vs, the mystery of what my heart disguises as certainty.

A time of reflection, a time for introspection.

A time to question, to listen, and trust.

A time to dream, to write, and create.

A time for solitude, silence, and prayer.

A time to sit inside the silence and allow my life to emerge without a question.

It was in this moment that I felt the sensation of falling forward. I was no longer standing still or falling. I was falling forward into a deeper understanding of my being and my purpose.

And the day came where my compass led me home.

A turning point in my life has occurred. I can feel it in every cell of my being. I have learned that life is full of drama, not just my own. There are others on the planet that suffer from their past, run from themselves, and feel a nagging pull of self-doubt.

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I have learned that life is not always fair, but it is what it was and is whatever you create it to be. The canvas of your life is for the endless possibilities that are truly in fact ‘endless’ but only if you are open to the possibilities.

I have learned that being present means more than the obvious. It means being present with your ears, eyes, head, heart, and soul. It is amazing what you can learn in these moments of authenticity and trust.

I have taken with me a new appreciation of clarity; it takes years to build a mud wall and only moments to wash it away. The clarity of an empty landscape is beautiful, breathtaking, and scary. I am new, not better, not worse. Only transformed.

What questions linger for you?

What wants to be revealed?

What layers are being pulled back?

What is yours ‘to do’?

Are you falling or falling forward?


Originally featured on BizCatalyst 360°

Benjamin Hotel
Benjamin Hotel

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Carolyn Lebanowski

Carolyn is a writer who seeks above all to share from the heart. Her impulse to write began 20 years ago with letters to her children and grew into journaling that was unedited and life-affirming.

Today she writes with a focus on raw, authentic experience, drawn from real life, to explore, express, and make sense of the pain and joy, struggles and triumphs, of life. In all her endeavors, she champions connection, integrity, and radical positivity.

Carolyn currently resides in Lisbon, Portugal.